Writing A Love Letter To Someone You Dislike: What?

My spawn used some of her birthday money at the Assembly of Text on Sunday. She bought a journal, 642 Things to Write About by Raincoast. My spawn was smitten with it and was quite happy to make this purchase. I leafed through the journal and found some hilarious prompts. The journal is clearly for an adult given that there are a few prompts that speak to alcohol or more life experience, but overall the journal offers some great exercises in creative writing. I’m including a screen shot from one prompt about writing a love letter to a person you don’t like. Now, this post is not a love letter to such person or persons. But, it did make me think about what causes us to like or dislike another person. I am providing a list of traits that I immediately thought of and it is not exhaustive.

Things I like in a person (first six I thought of):

Honesty

Smile

Generosity

Intelligence

Witt

Compassion

Five things that turn me off (first six I thought of):

Dishonesty

Laziness

Arrogance

Disrespectful

Trolls

Patronizing

If I think of these traits and people who I have easily engaged with, I know that they had some or all of the six traits that I noted. We might have met at work, in the community, at a conference or at a kid-related event. And, as far as the turn offs–same places. I will add that I meet so many people each year given my work and family life. I know for a fact that I don’t click well with people who dislike strong women. There, I said it. And, yes, I have found this to be true from about high school onward.

And for the dear, sweet souls who feel that they have to stalk me online, this is not a love letter to any specific person.  That’s right–it’s not about you. The writing prompt made me think about traits. What traits do you like/dislike? Think about it–write them down and get blogging.

Peer to Peer Mentoring: Leaning In

Now, I haven’t read Sheryl Sandberg’s Lean In yet, but I’m going to weigh in based on the reviews offline, online, her 60 Minutes interview, as well as based on joining Lean In’s site last week. The conversations about the book and the phenomena of Lean In as a movement reminds me of Graduate Women Scholars of Southern California. This was a peer-mentoring women’s group facilitated by one of the Women’s Studies faculty members at San Diego State University. Dr. Susan Cayleff saw that her office hours were busy with women graduate students asking the same questions. In 1991 she decided to try hosting once per month meetings at her house related around a particular topic.

These monthly meetings were workshop-like and typically led by one of the members and the Cayleff. The topics covered varied from how to put together your CV, prepping for a conference presentation, working on your thesis/dissertation, dealing with your committee, and more. These meetings provided a safe place of support for women students. We were Leaning In. We were learning from one another and sharing strategies. It was a bullshit free zone for the most part and we were allowed to admit that we were second guessing our choices or having a hard time finishing projects. The women involved were primarily from the Art (Humanities) and Social Sciences from the local universities in San Diego; however, there were several from Los Angeles and even one or two who were from the Bay Area, but living in San Diego.

Thanks to this peer-mentoring group I was better prepared for grad school. Sure, I occasionally felt like I was faking it or didn’t belong, but overall the mentoring sessions reminded me that I had to make academe my own (or attempt to do so). I think that Lean In is on to something and that peer to peer mentoring is important. If Sandberg’s book and the site get more women to connect–great! I have benefited from strong mentors throughout my academic career and to this day have some great peer mentors and coaches. I have blogged before about how mentoring is my mandate. It is. Part of my mentoring is getting my students or peers to Lean In.

I need to read Sandberg’s book. And, yes, I know that she’s Harvard educated and part of the elite. I know that she’s wealthy–Google, then moved to Facebook as their Chief Operating Officer. But, from perusing different bios and videos, I can see that there is lots to gain from Lean In. And, I also know that we can be are worst enemies in our work lives, as well as our personal lives. Self-doubt, not negotiating, and making poor decisions hurts us all, but women more so at work. I am not an acolyte with rose-colored glasses. I think my main point is that I know how to Lean In and the Breathe Now is yet another example—a conference that I co-planned. Many of us have been networking, strategizing, and organizing. We know this work well. But, I’ll speak more to Sandberg’s book and movement after I read the book and pore through more of the blog.

It is the time of the year when students are thinking about what they are going to do next. Some are in their last term or last year of school and wondering if grad school is for them. It is important to have some plans. Yes, I said plans. Plan A, B, C, and maybe even a plan D. Some students want to get organized several months before they have to apply. The grad school process is a frightening one, as it makes most students do something that they are completely unfamiliar with–promoting themselves.

I find that it does not matter if the student is a strong one or one with lots of potential most still have a hard time putting together their grad school dossier. I know that I did, but I was extremely lucky to have some wonderful mentors, and was involved with a peer mentoring group. This post is going to make some suggestions that assume that you are an undergraduate thinking about applying to grad school in the Fall.

Here, we are in the Spring (almost). The firs thing that I tell my students is that the grad school application process is like having another course. You need to research the schools and programs. You need to research potential mentors and their areas of expertise. You really should not just pick a program and land there without having done some research about the courses and the faculty.

Where do you want to live? Seriously. This was a concern for me. I knew that I did not want to leave the West Coast when I was looking at Political Science programs.

What do you want to study? Which courses did you find most interesting during your undergrad career? Which courses were the most fulfilling? These might not be the courses that you did the best in, but rather that rocked your world.

Where do you picture yourself in 1 year? Three years? Five years? There is not one answer for each of these questions. There should be multiple answers and that is perfectly fine.

What do you have to do to get there? To answer any of the above questions and this question, lean on your friends and your mentors. Now, you might not think that you have any mentors. It is not like you sign an agreement with your mentor and there is an understood relationship. No, I have had students send me cards after they graduated and found out that they referred to me as their mentor. There are different levels of mentoring and for some students being at the front of the classroom is enough. And, for other students there is more engaged relationship between the student and the faculty member. My point is that you probably do have a mentor or two! Seek them out and ask them for advice.

You’ve picked a program. Now, make sure that there is 2-3 faculty to work with there. Now, this might seem ridiculous at a smaller program, so maybe you might need to look for 1-2 people to work with at the program. One of the best ways to find out if you will be successful is to chat with current grad students. Find out what the lay of the land is. Also, find out what most graduates of the program do once they finish their theses. What do most of the grads end up doing? Policy work? Continue on with PhD programs?

Now, when you find out what you think you want to do, you need to get your application in order. Who are you going to get letters of support from for your dossier? Who will review your statement of intent? As they say, get your ducks in a row. Once you get your dossier together, you will need someone to review it all. This is where your friends and your mentors are important.

This is part one of a few posts. Good luck!

Grading and Offering Helpful Advice

I have large classes and this means lots of grading for me and my team of Teaching Assistants. I do not have Teaching Assistants for all of my courses, though. What I will say is that grading offers an interesting moment. That moment when you can assess if a student has: followed directions, read the material, organized her/his ideas well, and attempted to do the assignment in a timely fashion. Grading, though, is not about the student. It is about the work. And, this is where things get complicated.

Most of us take issue with people evaluating our work. It’s tough. The evaluation can make you squirm or sit taller in your chair. I’m cognizant of this, when I mark papers. There are moments, when I want to say: you totally kicked ass with this assignment. But, alas, that is not appropriate or even helpful. I might offer something like, it’s obvious that you have spent time thinking about the materials and have successfully articulated your analysis. Then, there are those moments, when you just know that a student did not have enough time to complete the assignment or did not manage his/her time well and you weigh what you need to say. I take no pleasure in offering critical commentary about student work. In most instances, I will offer that the assignment or paper did not meet the requirements. I try to avoid using the word: you. You is personal. The student reads it in a different way.

I have witnessed many students turn the to the last page for the grade. I was the type of student who read page by page the comments and if the grade was on the first or last page it did not matter. I wanted to get the feedback. I tweeted the other day that I was marking and was attempting to balance three things.

1. Firm    2. Fair    3. Compassion

These three things are important to me. The mark can influence a student’s assessment of their work, but also of the class, and the department. Maybe I’m thinking too much about this. But, I really do think that the feedback is important. Even if the assignment is just terrible–feedback is important. When the assignment is a failure, I do ask the student to come see me. I want to know what happened and if I can help. No student wants to earn the F. Usually there are extenuating circumstances and this is when I can offer guidance and compassion. Grading is not easy. I provide my first year students with a paper checklist, so that they can remind themselves of each component. This is a useful exercise for them, but even so it will not translate into 100% of the students using it or using the checklist properly. I continue to mark and think about the marking or grading process.

For my Teaching Assistants, the grading process is similar. I know from talking to them that some take the grading personally. They only want the students to succeed and feel a sense of frustration, when the students do not do well. They say, “I reminded them of this in tutorial. Why aren’t they following directions.” And, then, they are very proud when a student does well. Grading can seem so subjective at times, but ultimately it is not. We have our grading rubric and the grade categorization and explanation from the university. We know what we are looking for and we hope to find as many strong assignments as possible. In the interim, we plug away at the grading and offering useful commentary to our students.

Parenting, Community Building, and Email

I never thought I’d post about something as mundane as trying to get birthday invites to my elementary aged daughter’s friends. Previously she was enrolled at a private school and not only did we have an online family directory, but we also had class representatives who collated a parents’ email, address, and phone list. This made birthday or play date invites extremely easy. This also allowed for socializing among the families–yes, for community building and did so in a way that many of us appreciated. We could email and connect or choose to call and coordinate.

I have booked my daughter’s birthday party and given that she’s two months into a new public school I thought that I should find out what the protocol is for birthday invites. Actually, I walked into the office assuming that I would get the contact information for the classroom parents or an email for the class representative. Well, I could not even get the teacher’s email. Nope. This violates privacy laws in the province, allegedly. No information about the child can be disseminated via email. Whether or not this is true is not my bone of contention. The fact that in 2013 I could not get the work email for my child’s teacher was absolutely ridiculous. I was politely told that my daughter can distribute the invites at lunch or recess. This is a great exercise for kids to see who is invited and not invited. Big sigh. The e-vites allows for no paper waste.

The staff suggested that I speak with the teacher to see what she prefers. So, off we trundled down the hall. I spoke with the teacher and she would not give her email. She asked if I could just come in. I explained that I am always near a device, so that email is convenient. I received another polite smile and was told that she’s happy to meet with me prior to school. I’ll have to be happy with that. Apparently, she does not check her email often–and that’s fine. But, I’m still shocked. I inquired about the birthday invites and was again informed that my daughter will need to hand them out during recess or lunch.

I might sound like one of those self-entitled parents who demands that the system works her way, but I’m not sure if that is the case here. My concern is three-fold: ease of communication, access to information (emails) to set up play dates or arrange a pick up swap, and understanding that it’s 2013 and technology is pervasive. So, slap my rear and call me Betsy, because I was shocked with my findings today. Seriously, I have to go old school and have my kiddo pass out invites. This also means that I have to meet the other parents so that we can actually become part of this new community. I have some “let’s arrange a play date” note cards that I can finally use. The good news is that I’m going to be more outgoing at drop off and pick up to meet other parents. I’ll roll with it.

My second to last concern is that the kiddo is not inviting the entire class, so the chances are that some kid will have her or his feelings hurt. We have a set limit for the party and we are inviting a mix of kids from the old school and new school. Thankfully, I can use an e-vite for the kids from the old school. Regarding the hurt feelings, well that’s part of growing up–I know. I will have a chat with the kiddo about how to do this as discreetly as possible. And, my last concern, I’m still troubled by the fact that the nuclear codes were not made available to me as a parent– I don’t have the teacher’s email address. An email address is something so basic in my world as an educator. But, then again, maybe the teacher is drawing boundaries and really prefers only face to face interaction. At this point in time, I’m expressing my surprise via the blog post, but I’m not about to write the school board. This is not official complaint worthy. Thoughts?

Adding–of course–I googled the teacher. Her email was not found and she is off the grid. Boundaries, time management or teaching philosophy…

Boundaries: Hard for This Workaholic

I’m always very honest in my blog posts and I have to admit that I don’t like seeing email in my queue. I try to get to the emails as quickly as possible. And, I don’t like seeing several hundred emails on Monday mornings. This means that I do respond to work emails during the weekend. Now, I don’t respond to all of them, as I will flag some noting that they are higher priority come Monday and then others I will respond to in a timely (immediately through the next 24 hours) manner. I have now taken to responding to some student emails and stating that I will get to their email (answer their query) on Monday and also state, “It’s the weekend, I hope that you enjoy it.”

I know that I’ll hear from people who swear that they don’t respond to students’ emails over the weekend or that no one at their campus does. Cue Bill Cosby acting like Noah and saying, “Riiiight” at the 58 second mark or 1.17.  It’s not that I don’t believe these people–it’s just that my reality is that if I don’t respond in about 24 hours, I hear repeatedly from the student. I rather say that I got the email and will attend to it. I also will make a point of responding to all emails when an assignment is due the next Monday. It’s the nature of my job and the students who I work with in the department. I also am responsible for this access, I know. Some will tweet me or Facebook message me. I am a heavy user of social media and this is one cost–access to me and my time. I am not going to complain, but I will try to have some work life balance.

I am trying to set a good example for my kids, co-workers, and the Teaching Assistants who report to me. I explain to my team of Teaching Assistants that they also do not have to respond to emails from students over the weekend and not from me, too. I ask them to act as if the email (if one gets sent during the weekend) arrived Monday morning and respond thereafter. I want them to see me encourage boundaries. This takes hard work, but I have to say that during the last year it’s been worth it. I’m protecting my schedule more and I feel happier. I still love my job, and look forward to walking into the classroom, office hours, and other teaching related events. I’m loathe to say that I love meetings, as that’s a lie. I like some meetings and do not look forward to others! How do you deal with your email queue?

UVIC Next? Salary Study

I don’t normally share my emails, but this one is worth doing so.

Dear Colleagues: After the UBC Gender Salary Correction went live on January 21st, I heard from many of you. Then the Globe and Mail covered the issue and noted how women faculty were being “given” a raise. I have some good news to share. On January 25th, I was told that the Administration and Faculty Association had signed a Letter of Agreement (LOA). The LOA notes that the Administration and Faculty Association will investigate gender salary issues at UVIC. This LOA was signed on June 29, 2012. Since I am not part of the Faculty Association’s Negotiating Team, I was not privy to this LOA.

At first you can imagine my frustration finding out six months after the fact. After I had invited a UBC colleague to share their story, and then after spending an all day meeting in Vancouver strategizing with our sister Chairs. However, I realize that this was privileged information and that by having presentations, meetings, and discussion this was a good thing. It kept our membership thinking about what we need to do and our Administration was paying attention to this work. Now, we know that the Administration is going to work with our Faculty Association. The UBC Report through correction took four years. I hope that it doesn’t take as long at UVIC.

There will be a committee including Administration reps, Faculty Association reps, and an AWC rep. The AWC Steering Committee will meet later this month to discuss this issue as well as other ongoing events. This is a sign of good faith from the Administration. I urge us to celebrate this move forward, but to be cautiously optimistic.

Please take a look at our colleague, Richard Pickard’s, blog post about this matter at:

http://notstrategic.blogspot.ca/2013/02/gendered-salary-inequities.html

Richard notes that he is not speaking for the Faculty Association’s Negotiating Team. Also, generally speaking it’s worth taking a look around his other posts.

Hope to see you at next week’s Faculty Association meeting–for the special Valentine’s Meeting! Thursday, February 14 at 3:00pm in Social Sciences and Mathematics Room 102.

~~~~~~

Within minutes of sending the above email I have had numerous positive emails. Thank you! This is not going to be an easy process. But, let’s move forward in good faith.